Given the length and difficulty of the NFL season, every good team needs at least one or two get-right games. They help right the ship during those down stretches, when your favorite players are turning the ball over, they can’t stop anyone from scoring and they’re making poor decisions left and right.
These three teams are the answer to your prayers, not to mention the fix for all your problems. They’ve shown a special level of ineptness that’s hard to match, so if your team needs a win, scan your schedule and plan your victory celebration accordingly.
The New England Patriots are back to being patsies
Well, we all knew this was going to happen. . . sort of. Some kind of reset from the Brady/Belichick era was inevitable, but no one thought it was going to be this bad, especially since Belichick talked a lot in the last few years about leaving the roster in good shape for his successor.
One small problem—he didn’t do that. Instead Belichick left new GM Eliot Wolf and rookie coach Jerod Mayo with one of the worst rosters in football, and the offensive line is so bad they can’t even get #1 draft pick Drake Maye on the field.
Placeholder QB Jacoby Brissett is taking a pounding, and the stodgy offense really doesn’t look much different than it did under Belichick, who played leather-helmet football on that side of the ball for his last couple of years. Mayo, meanwhile, is starting to show his warts as a new head coach, making disastrous clock management decisions while passing constantly despite the presence of an impressive running game.
What all-this means is that your team will play an opponent that will score ten points a game, more or less. If your team can’t win under those circumstances, we probably can’t help you.
The Carolina Panthers are an NFL embarrassment
As bad as the Pats have been, the Panthers have been worse. This is hard to do, and this race to the bottom is really close. For two games Carolina barely looked like an NFL team, and they benched Bryce Young, whose rehabilitation project was not going well.
Then Andy Dalton stepped in, and he did what Andy Dalton always does, which is look like a real NFL quarterback for a single game to lead Carolina to a shocking win in Las Vegas. Then he remembered that he was Andy Dalton, and the Panthers defense graciously provided a get-right game for Chicago rookie QB Caleb Williams.
It’s already ugly in Carolina, but it’s likely to get a lot worse. We still haven’t gotten our annual David Tepper outburst, and when this owner goes off, he goes off. You know things are really bad when the highlight of your season is waiting for your owner to do something epically foolish, and you’re absolutely sure he’ll oblige.
Mismanagement is why the Miami Dolphins are here
It seems cruel to put the Dolphins on this list after Tua Tagovailoa’s devastating concussion, but the simple fact is they belong here. Miami is going through the necessary motions with Tua’s post-concussion evaluation, but there are plenty of observers who don’t want to see him on an NFL field again, including many ex-players who know what this experience is about.
But the real reason Miami is here is mismanagement. GM Chris Grier evidently forgot to put “new backup QB” on his postseason shopping list, which left Skylar Thompson as the starter. Thompson was inept before he got hurt, and the Dolphins until had to sub in Tyler Huntley, who could barely generate any offense for the Ravens last year.
Now he’s doing the same for Miami as they await the final call on Tua, with their season and maybe even their short-term future hanging in the balance. hanging in the balance. The Dolphins won an incredibly ugly game in New England on Sunday, but they won’t be able to duplicate that feat against real NFL teams. So if you have Miami on your schedule in the near future and Tagovailoa doesn’t end up with a firm comeback date, you can go ahead and circle the date, then get ready for your get-right party.