Welcome to this (thankfully) brief review of a battle of the bottom feeders, as the Panthers and Patriots were one of two games to open the preseason. We’re also using it to introduce our quarterback breakdown vehicle, the Bust-o-Meter, which will measure the performance parameters, or lack thereof, for all the new guys and guys in new uni’s who matter.
Start with Carolina. The Panthers wimped out on exposing last year’s #1 pick, Bryce Young, to New England’s hard-nosed defense, and it was easy to see why. Carolina’s offense was genuinely offensive, stumbling and bumbling its way through penalties, short gains, and other typical preseason chaos.
On to New England, which will be on to Cincinnati in their real opener. New coach Jerod Mayo took a different approach, playing quarterback poker with a weak hand, as Jacoby Brissett, Drake Maye, Bailey Zappe, and Joe Milton all took turns at the helm. Some of those turns were momentary—i.e., Brissett and Maye—but Mayo managed to parlay that hand into a 17-3 victory for those who care.
Drake Maye is still Drake May(b)e
The #3 overall pick has struggled in camp, so it wasn’t exactly surprising when New England kept him in bubble wrap. Maye played just a single series before Mayo shifted over to Bailey Zappe, who proceeded to remind us all why last season was such a desultory viewing experience.
None of them fared all that well, actually. The most consistent thing this offense does is sputter, and that proved true for the first three QBs to take the field. Dumb penalties were a constant, along with all those two-yards-and-a-cloud-of-turf running plays that were so special last year.
Maye hasn’t had much time with the first stringers, but he already knows the drill. His two best plays were a pair of check-down specials that were clearly designed to protect him, the first a screen, the second a swing pass. Both plays were solid gainers, and there was only one throw where he actually pushed the ball down the field.
It was an overthrow, but at least it was a safe one. Coverage was tight, and Maye delivered it high, which may have been due to the driving rain. Thankfully, there were no high safeties waiting to pick it off, so there’s that.
So where does Maye land on the Bust-o-Meter? Given the minuscule sample size, even putting a number out seems ridiculous, but we’ll give him a solid “5” for simply surviving.
Milton mania replaces Zappe fever
The event of the evening was the surprisingly long stint of Joe Milton, the hyper-athletic Tennessee product who entered the game as a 6th round flyer. Milton’s rep to date has been based on doing backflips and launching oranges the length of the field, but against Carolina he was solid and effective, leading two scoring drives that actually put one of these pathetic teams in double figures.
Moreover, he looked like a real quarterback. Milton is this year’s Malik Cunningham, who was buried on the bench by Belichick last year after showing signs that he knew what he was doing, and the Hoodie then sent him packing to the Ravens, who actually know what to do with athletic quarterbacks.
Most of Milton’s initial throws were short and safe, but late in the game, he unleashed a 38-yard rocket to JaQuae Jackson, who quickly turned upfield and found the endzone. We haven’t seen much of that sort of thing up here for the last five years, so forgive us for being unfamiliar with what 21st-century football is supposed to look like.